Thursday, December 13, 2007

Reign Over Me

Info
5 Words: Miscast, meandering, melancholic melodrama... meh.
1 Number: 3

Away from Her

Info
5 Words: Character study? Success! Entertainment? No!
1 Number: 4

Friday, November 30, 2007

Aguirre: The Wrath of God

Info
5 Words: Gotta love crazed German conquistadors!
1 Number: 7

Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

Info
5 Words: Animated creatures phone it in.
1 Number: 5

Next

Info
5 Words: ...and Philip Dick rolls over.
1 Number: 4

Monday, November 26, 2007

Crazy Love

Info
5 Words: Basically, an extended Dateline story.
1 Number: 6

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Battle of Shaker Heights

Info
5 Words: Project Greenlight + Beouf = Adequate Entertainment!
1 Number: 7

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Info
5 Words: Why did I even bother?
1 Number: 3

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Riding Giants

Info
5 Words: Self-congratulatory surf dudes talk history.
1 Number: 7

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The Hoax

Info
5 Words: Gere detracts from compelling story.
1 Number: 6

1408

Info
5 Words: Disappointing... even with low expectations.
1 Number: 4

Friday, November 2, 2007

Michael Clayton

Info
5 Words: Legal thriller -- without a courtroom!
1 Number: 8

The Ex

Info
5 Words: Smacks of being rewritten... repeatedly.
1 Number: 3

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Double Dare

Info
5 Words: Kick-ass stuntwomen kicking documentary ass.
1 Number: 8

Friday, October 26, 2007

My Best Friend

Info
5 Words: Novel subject matter formulaically presented.
1 Number: 5

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Al Franken: God Spoke

5 Words: ...and it was not good.
1 Number: 3

Running with Scissors

Info
5 Words: Painfully pretentious, never ending drivel.
1 Number: 2

Friday, October 19, 2007

The TV Set

Info
5 Words: Another anticlimactic Hollywood vanity project.
1 Number: 4

Sunday, October 7, 2007

The Brothers Grimm

Info
5 Words: CGI, tone, accents -- grim indeed.
1 Number: 3

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Hannibal Rising

Info
5 Words: Tediously graphic and poorly cast.
1 Number: 4

Thursday, October 4, 2007

An Unreasonable Man

Info
5 Words: Reasonably balanced, fairly objective biography.
1 Number: 6

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Eastern Promises

Info
5 Words: Gory, naked, Russian mobster action.
1 Number: 7

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Condemned

Info
5 Words: Battle Royale... only completely retarded.
1 Number: 2

Sunday, September 23, 2007

3:10 to Yuma

Info
5 Words: Improbable but convincing modern western.
1 Number: 8

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Year of the Dog

Info
5 Words: Well-intentioned but ultimately dull, misguided.
1 Number: 4

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

George Washington

Info
5 Words: Appealing delivery but lacks substance
1 Number: 5

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 13 - 22

Info
5 Words: Sadly, the hip-hopera loses steam.
1 Number: 5

Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1 - 12

Info
5 Words: "Crazier than fish with titties."
1 Number: 7

Black Snake Moan

Info
5 Words: Horrendous writing and worse acting.
1 Number: 3

Friday, September 14, 2007

The Lives of Others

Info
5 Words: eine bezauberndsunvergleichene, aufwühlendshoffene, visuellsgedämpftsbefriedigene Ausführung
5 Word Translation: a magical-incomparable, stirring-hope, visually-muted-satisfying performance-execution-achievement-construction
1 Number: 8

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Ararat

Info
5 Words: Heavy-handed history makes melodramatic movies.
1 Number: 3

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Ground Truth

Info
5 Words: Important, unsurprising stories boringly assembled.
1 Number: 4

Monday, September 10, 2007

Oldboy

Info
5 Words: Farcical mystery tarnishes marvelous setup.
1 Number: 8

Friday, September 7, 2007

Havoc

Info
5 Words: Is shit-ass hyphenated or not?
1 Number: 1

Jet Lag

Info
5 Words: Insufferable, self-conscious, chemistry-less romantic comedy
1 Number: 2

Festival Express

Info
5 Words: Ugly people making beautiful music.
1 Number: 6

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

300

Info
5 Words: Me more manly now... (grrrunt).
1 Number: 6

Superbad

Info
5 Words: Autobiographical (minus the female successes)
1 Number: 9

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Sunshine

Info
5 Words: Derivative (yet enthralling) space suspense.
1 Number: 6

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Info
5 Words: Possibly the greatest documentary ever.
1 Number: 10
The Final Word: I fancy myself quite the amateur photographer, taking multiple cameras with me on vacation. On my recent trip to Finland, Russia, and Estonia, I took 2 cameras: one standard that I use for low light and run of the mill photos and one Lomo camera that takes fantastic color, artsy photos.
Not an hour before seeing "The King of Kong", I found out that all of my rolls of film taken with my Lomo camera while on vacation were completely ruined. You can imagine how sad and disappointed I felt going in to the theater. "The King of Kong" was the perfect antidote; leaving the theater, I could not stop smiling.
It's amazing that the participants of this film exist in a nonfiction world and that their hopeless gaming lives can be so entertaining! It's Trekkies with a compelling storyline.

The Story of the Weeping Camel

Info
5 Words: Slow look at rural Mongolia.
1 Number: 5

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The Lookout

Info
5 Words: Lookout for this winner! Ba-doom-ching!
1 Number: 8

Friday, August 24, 2007

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix

Info
5 Words: If only Hermione could act...
1 Number: 8

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Simpsons Movie

Info
5 Words: Super-sized (time and space) episode
1 Number: 7

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Info
5 Words: Engrossing plot triumphs over histrionics.
1 Number: 6

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Info
5 Words: Well-balanced humor and dark storyline
1 Number: 8

Ocean's Thirteen

Info
5 Words: Confusing plot, yet strangely satisfying.
1 Number: 8

Blades of Glory

Info
5 Words: Didn't want to laugh -- did.
1 Number: 7

Disturbia

Info
5 Words: The Beouf rocks Rear Window.
1 Number: 7

Bourne Ultimatum

Info
5 Words: Jason Bourne is my hero.
1 Number: 8